Home > The South > Great Ways To Annoy Yankees

Great Ways To Annoy Yankees

  • Take your own sweet time when doing anything.
  • Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
  • When giving directions, finish with “it’s right down yonder on the left.”
  • Talk real slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they’re saying.
  • When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell ’em “Delta’s ready when you are!”
  • Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
  • Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.
  • Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don’t have it, raise a ruckus.
  • Offer to send ’em a bottle of fresh air.
  • Insist on being addressed by your first and middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie — John Michael — Jim Bob…)
  • Frequently bring up “The War of Northern Aggression” in conversation. If anyone ever says the words “Civil War”, always interject that “there was nothing civil about it.”
  • Address all males as “son” and females as “little lady”.
  • Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: “It’s ‘pee-can.'”
  • Put Tabasco on everything.
  • When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . . banana ones.
  • Use the word “reckon” in a sentence.
  • “Mash” buttons. “Cut” off lights. “Carry” the kids to school. “Fetch” something.
  • Never simply “do” something. Be “fixin to do” something.
  • Tell them you don’t have an accent, they do.
  • Be sure to include “yes/no ma’am/sir” in all conversations.
  • Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. “Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there. . .” “You said left.” “Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town..”
  • Call ’em a yankee – works every time!
Categories: The South
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