Home > Humor > Things I’ve learned from living in Missouri

Things I’ve learned from living in Missouri

  1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
  2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Missouri.
  3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Missouri, plus a couple no one’s seen before.
  4. Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants.
  5. Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
  6. If it grows, it sticks — if it crawls; it bites.
  7. A tractor is not an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
  8. Onced and twiced are words.
  9. People actually grow and eat okra.
  10. There ain’t no such thing as “lunch”. There’s only dinner and then there’s supper.
  11. Sweet tea is appropriate for all meals… and you start drinking it when you’re two.
  12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
  13. “Jeet?” is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”
  14. You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is. You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.

And…you know you’re from Missouri if:

  1. You measure distance in minutes.
  2. You’ve had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
  3. You know what a mule is.
  4. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
  5. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: I am fixinto go to the store.
  6. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
  7. You install security lights on your house and garage …. and leave both of them unlocked.
  8. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, BBQ, hot sauce and ketchup.
  9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
  10. You think that the first day of deer season and the first day of trout fishing are national holidays .
  11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit “a little warm.”
  12. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer — Summer — still Summer — and Christmas.
  13. You know whether another Missourian is from east, west, or middle Missouri as soon as they open their mouth, or by the barbecue they eat.
  14. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
  15. You know what the phrase “Hunkered Down” means.
  16. You pronounce the name of the state: Muh-zuh-ruh.
Categories: Humor
  1. May 22, 2005 at 8:08 PM

    Hey, just wanted to say that I enjoyed your post. “Jeet?” is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?” My mom used to say this all the time when we were kids. And the joke about catfish being the only white meat was priceless as well. I have done a great deal of fishing for catfish with chicken livers in buckeye lake, they eat those things up! Looking forward to our debate, Your lefty friend, Todd

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