Home > Humor > You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .

…that “disturbance in the Force” was just last night’s baked beans.
…you call your young apprentice, “Junior”
…your landspeeder has a gun rack.
…you call Yoda your Li’l green buddy.
…your X-Wing has a still in it.
…your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base.
…you have ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill.
…you use Jawas for drink holders.
…you fight with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other.
…you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck.
…your Jedi robe is camouflage colored.
…at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
…you can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
…you have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing / bowling.
…your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son, come on over t’ the dark side…it’ll be a hoot.”
…you jump-start your lightsaber off a car battery.
…you got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids.
…you count BO as a Jedi power.
…you have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.
…you have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
…you can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE FORCE.
…your master ever said “My finger you will pull…hmmm?”
…you have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
…the worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
…wookies are offended by your BO.
…you have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.
…you have ever used a light-sabre to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
…you’ve got a stuffed womp rat from Begger’s Canyon on your mantle.
…you’ve used a storm trooper helmet as a spitoon.
…you have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to make repairs on your landspeeder.
…you feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
…you ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
…you have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
…you ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
…you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
…you suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
…you use your lightsabor as a bug zapper.
…you hear…”Luke, I am your father…and your uncle!”

(Hat Tip: Michelle Poncelet, Shawn Rung, & Rene Schweitzer)

Categories: Humor
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